We’re in uncharted waters. Whether you’re afraid of getting sick or getting others sick, or facing economic uncertainty as more and more businesses close down, many people aren’t sure how to cope. The answer to this, and to most of life’s questions, is simple: Television.
Join me, an expert, through the small screen’s best virus-avoidance methods.
George (Jason Alexander), Elaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), and Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld) in “The Soup”/NBC
1. No touching.
If you’re still dating during this lockdown – and if you’re like me, you’ve been playing it safe for months – there are some rules you should follow. No kissing after the third date. No sharing coffee shop sandwiches. No harassing people at the restaurant where they work. There might be some minor social consequences, like getting snubbed in the street or having your TV pilot dropped by the network, but you and everyone else will be better off.
“The Shoes” (Season 4, Episode 15) – Seinfeld
Mac (Rob McElhenney), Charlie (Charlie Day), Dee (Kaitlin Olson), and Dennis (Glenn Howerton) in “The Gang Gets Quarantined”/FX
2. Limit outside contact.
Limiting contact with other people is the key to preventing the spread of disease. Stay in as much as possible, and if you do need to venture out, make an effort to avoid unnecessary contact. Just simple things, like avoiding crowds, washing your hands, and maybe wearing a full-body bubble boy suit. Maybe some alone time will lead to some self-discovery.
“The Gang Gets Quarantined” (Season 9, Episode 7) – It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Bender (John DiMaggio) in “Cold Warriors”/Comedy Central
3. Don’t panic.
Chances are, you aren’t a doctor or scientist, mad or otherwise. You hear a lot of stuff that you don’t really understand. Trust the experts and don’t do anything crazy. You want to keep space, not hurl an entire city into it.
“Cold Warriors” (Season 6, Episode 24) – Futurama
Jerry (or something) Gergich (Jim O’Heir) in “Flu Season 2″/NBC
4. Know the symptoms.
There’s a chance you’re sick without being “sick.” Allergies, food poisoning, maybe even a hangover could lead you to believe you’re infected. There’s even a chance you’re just adopting a dog.
“Flu Season 2” (Season 6, Episode 19) – Parks and Recreation
Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler) in “Flu Season”/NBC
5. Know when to quit.
Worst case, you get sick, for real. Accept it and do what you need to do in order to make yourself healthy and prevent others from getting sick. Stop going to work. Stop doing work from home. Maybe even go to the hospital, in accordance with your local health department’s guidelines.
“Flu Season” (Season 3, Episode 2) – Parks and Recreation
With these simple steps, you can greatly reduce the risk to yourself and your family, and also watch a bunch of great TV.
The Look and Sound of Eric Stevens 