Seinfeld: The Smarties (scene)

A short scene from an episode of Seinfeld that should be called “The Smarties.”

I may return to write the entire episode.

Credit to Reddit users 1BLOPI and UnsubstantiatedClaim for the prompt.

Background: George has found a vending machine that only accepts Canadian currency. After a few days of exchange rate abuse, the company begins stocking it with Canadian items.
Jerry’s apartment. George and Jerry are standing around the counter.
Elaine enters.
ELAINE
George. That Canadian vending machine – does it have Smarties?
GEORGE
Well it wouldn’t be very Smartie if it didn’t.
Jerry gives George a look of disgust.
ELAINE
I need you to get me some. I love them.
GEORGE
Yeah, sure. How many?
ELAINE
Here’s a twenty.
HALLWAY WITH VENDING MACINE.
George looks at the machine. It only has pictures, not a window to see the candy.
GEORGE
$1 per pack? <George snorts> Yeah, right.
GEORGE IS SEEN IN A STORE BUYING A LARGE BOX OF SMARTIES. THE TOTAL IS $22.
LATER. MONK’S. JERRY AND ELAINE ARE IN THE BOOTH.
George enters carrying a brown paper bag. He drops it in front of Elaine and sits next to Jerry.
GEORGE
You owe me $2.
Elaine opens the bag and pulls out one package.
ELAINE
What’s this?
GEORGE
Smarties.
ELAINE
No, they’re not.
GEORGE
Yes, they are. See? “Smarties.”
ELAINE
I asked for Canadian Smarties. These are just American Smarties.
GEORGE
What’s the difference?
JERRY
Oh boy…
ELAINE
What’s the difference?
GEORGE
There’s barely a difference between the countries, how much difference is there in the candy?
ELAINE
A huge difference! The Canadian Smarties are chocolate. The American kind are just… chalk. Give me my twenty.
GEORGE
Give you the twenty? You asked for Smarties, you got Smarties.
ELAINE
Well I’m not taking them. You keep them.
GEORGE
Me keep them? What am I supposed to do with them?
ELAINE
Go draw on the sidewalk.

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia: Sweet Dee Gets Deported

Below is an excerpt from my first completed spec script. If anyone from Sunny sees it, I will accept payment in the form of a signed script or poster. Read the complete script here.

CHARLIE AND FRANK'S APARTMENT. DAY. CHARLIE ENTERS. FRANK
IS SITTING ON THE COUCH, TALKING ON THE PHONE.
FRANK
And muchos grazzias to you, too.
Frank hangs up the phone.
CHARLIE
What's going on? You're talking
Spanish now?
FRANK
I found a new investment, I was
talking to my new employee.
CHARLIE
What kind of investment, dude?
FRANK
Tacos. Everyone loves tacos, and
Mexicans love making them. I
figured - why not get in on some
of that?
CHARLIE
Yeah, that's smart. So, like, a
Mexican guy is gonna come here and
make us tacos, or –
FRANK
No, no. Taco carts. I stopped for
a quick bite on my way home from
lunch and met this guy named
Pancho selling tacos. I loaned him
some money, and his kids are going
to start selling tacos in other
neighborhoods.
CHARLIE
You're going to have kids working
for you?
FRANK
They're forty years old. Adults,
working for their father's
business selling addictive,
unhealthy garbage. A couple of
losers.
CHARLIE
All this talk is making me hungry.
You wanna get something to eat?